I think the reason why I want to stop working at the ER is that it's the only time where I don't really get to interact with people. I mean sure, I answer a million phone calls, talk to the ambulance folks (interjection: I always mentally pronounce ambulance as "AM-byoo-LANCE"), and have the nurses/doctors tell me the shit they need. But it's not REAL interaction. I don't get to have any conversations with anyone. I find myself getting chatty with people who call in to get medical advice, which we can't give, only because I'm so isolated at my desk in this whirlwind of humanity. I don't like that. I like being part of the whirlwind, like I am at my other jobs.
I think I also have decided the ER job doesn't agree with me because it's an all-or-nothing gig. Either I'm flat-out with stuff to do, to the point where I can't take a single step away from the desk because the phone won't stop ringing, there are three ambulances out, and every damn nurse and doctor has something for me to do, OR I sit there at the desk and almost literally twiddle my thumbs. I flip through all of the ancient parenting and gardening magazines that are nearby, I check my hospital email, I dick around on Facebook on my Ipod, I straighten, I tidy, I restock paper, I do whatever I possibly can to keep busy, and it's still not enough. I HATE that feeling of being completely idle and knowing that nothing is likely to change for the next five hours. I glance repeatedly at the clock, always assuming that surely an hour has passed, when in reality it's been about five minutes since the last time I looked. I hate that feeling.
So, after taking into consideration these points and bearing in mind the fact that I will soon have at minimum three days a week of nannying, I've decided that I can't not quit. Really, I want to quit now, before I have to work tomorrow. But, that would be highly irresponsible and unprofessional of me and would obviously result in a lack of a good reference. The wise, responsible, grown-up thing to do is to go ahead and give my two-weeks' notice tomorrow and start looking forward to no more ER stress and no more anxiety. And, unless they say, "Aw, to hell with you, just don't come back," or something to that effect, I will have to work the three shifts that I've signed up for and then I'll be done. I'm sure I'll have some pangs and twinges of something that approaches regret or whatever, but most likely these will only poke me when I tell the ladies who trained me that I'll be done soon, because they'll probably be kind of disappointed. I think they really dug me and the fact that I picked everything up quickly and completely. I'm sure I'll have fleeting thoughts of staying put and trying to actually like my job because I want to like it because I like that the people I work with think I'm doing well.
But, the idea of reasonably eliminating basically the only real source of stress/anxiety in my life is just far too attractive. And, the idea of opening up some time to either pursue more hours in the jobs I already have or as I've been thinking lately, to pursue a part-time gig at a place like Healthy Living or City Market, is just too tantalizing to give up. I may never again be in a situation where I have the freedom to remove job-related stress from my life, so I think I'm going to make the most of it and go for it tomorrow. And I will secretly hope that they say I can just be done and not have to come back, though I highly doubt that will actually happen.
In summary, I want my whole life to be just as satisfying, rewarding, and freaking interesting as possible.
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